Tag Archives: humor

California EDD Lies – A Fun Video

6 Jun

**courtesy of theo73caedd**

Last year while searching the Nets to see what other unemployed brethren had to say about EDD, I came across this video by theo73caedd.  I couldn’t find his e-mail on YT, so Theo, I’m broadcasting your video once again.  Sharing is caring!

This is the only video that he’s posted on YouTube.  Hopefully he didn’t end up homeless again.  He lays out all details of what one can possibly go through when dealing with California’s bureaucratic service.   When you start having issues with EDD, you do begin to feel that you are dealing with a bunch of idiots and liars.  I don’t blame the workers, I blame the executives that are running EDD.  Incompetence starts from the top and trickles down.

View it and learn a little something about the grand state of California.  Isn’t she beautiful?

Happy job hunting!

Willy Wonkaland – Another Invention

23 May

courtesy of zap2it.com

There’s no earthly way of knowing

Which direction we are going

During my last getaway to Disneyland, there were two ideas that came to mind.  Space Mountain will do that to you.  My boyfriend and I giggled wildly about a 2001 Space Odyssey ride.  I turned to him and then said, “there should be a Wonkaland,”.   His opinion was that any ride Wonka- based would be sheer terror.  Yes, that’s why it should be invented.

Is there a Wonka ride or Wonka themed-area at any theme park across the US?  Google told me no.   Listen up park engineers,  here is my idea of a theme park with a Wonkaland.

Wonkaland would have three important areas: Choco Water Park, Wonka’s Boat Ride and Wonka’s Funhouse.

Let me start with the Choco Water Park.  I imagine it as an indoor Raging Waters with faux chocolate pools.  There would be various slides and a wave pool.  Cheesy, yes. BUT – one of the slides would be a reverse tube.  Remember when Augustus Gloop got stuck in the tube?  Choco River’s tube would pull floaters backwards, elevate them vertically and end with riders sliding downward through a massive, winding hole dripping with faux chocolate. Some may not like the thought of gushing through water that looks like liquid diarrhea, but hey it’s all about having FUN!  Listen, if Anne Margaret could roll around maniacally in beans and chocolate, you can handle chocolate water.  I’m going on a tangent. That was a different movie.

Let’s Go Back To The Design.

The slides would have funky, electric, early 70s colors. I imagine the colors to be blue, orange, white, brown and pink stripes decorating the slides and walls.  I envision the decor with overgrown mushrooms and flowers. The look would be similar to the movie.  Can you imagine the lifeguards dressed as Oompa Loompas in bikinis and Speedos?

Next up would be the boat ride. It would be exactly. like. the. movie.  A Gene Hackman impersonator would have to be Wonka.  Random thought here; what if Wonka looked like Dr. Frankenstein?   Can  you imagine the creepy tunnel song playing as the boat rows faster? In a faux chocolate river too.

Wonka’s Funhouse would have the following: Shrinking room,  licking wallpaper (something sanitary of course), oompas, a bubble room where one could actually float and a Veruca Salt slide.

courtesy of cherylannenelson.hubpages.com

It’s a grand and convoluted idea, but I like the sound of that idea.  We need a Wonkaland!!!!!!  As with The Odyssey, someone out there must want to make this happen right? 

I have a dream. And that dream is that one day, one day – there will be a Wonkaland for all mankind.

2001 A Space Odyssey – Theme Park Coaster

2 May

courtesy of TasteofCinema.com

This past Sunday and Monday, The Eternal Loop and I decided to have a little celebration at Disneyland and CA Adventure.

While we were standing in line for Space M0untain feeling all nice and giggly, an idea popped into my head.  “Someone should invent a ride based on 2001 A Space Odyssey,” I said to Mr. Loop with a wide-eyed grin.

TEL shook his head and began to laugh. Think about it for a few minutes. Let this idea marinate in your brain.

Here’s my idea of “The Odyssey”.  It would have a Space Mountain feel except coaster riders would be sent flying through a wormhole.  At the start of the ride, riders would enter through a door that looks like a monolith.  This is the moment when riders are just cruising along the tracks.

Then the coaster would take off a light speed sending riders through the Jupiter Mission.  Shit gets real during the mission and the coaster will come to a short stop.  Once it stops,  the voice of HAL echoes over a  monitor. The ride gets more intense and the coaster terror begins.

courtesy of listal.com

The third part would be the “wormhole”  moment.  As the coaster is speeding through indoor loops, colors will begin absorbing the screens.  Complete mind fuck.  The grand prize would be a souvenir of wormhole pictures!

That’s right! Riders would be able to view and purchase pictures of themselves as an elderly person and a Star Child.

Think about it. Let it marinate.

There has to be a coaster engineer out there that wants to make this ride happen.

Next up, Wonka’s Funhouse.

The Worst Job Ever – Telemarketing

23 Apr

**courtesy of CoQ10z**

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my experiences with past jobs.  One experience that comes to mind is a telemarketing job I worked one summer during  my high school years.  It lasted one day and will forever go down in my history as the one of the worst jobs ever.

For whatever reason, I could never get a job at a fast food restaurant.  No matter how many applications I submitted, fast food didn’t want me. 

My high school bud told me that a telemarketing company behind our neighborhood was always looking for employees.  Back then, telemarketing jobs were known to pay a little more than minimum wage.  This was around the early 90s.   I applied and was offered the job on the spot. “Mom! Dad! I got a job!!!!”, I gushed to them as soon as I got home.

Ready to make some money, I started my first 5-hour shift the next day.  My job duties were to call random phone numbers asking residents questions about various topics of the time. 

Before my shift began, the newly hired had an hour of new hire training.  Our supervisor was a tall, gangly, dour man that looked to be in his mid-50s.  I’ll call him *Bill because he looked like a Bill.  Before the training started, he made us aware that he was suffering from a hangover.  We were off to a good start – NOT.

Once the session ended, we were given a cubicle, a computer and a script.  The routine of repeated calls began.  If you got a dial tone, you had to start with the next number.

After calling 10 numbers in a row,  I took a breather.  The surveys were so long that I was often surprised how many people would stay on the line.  Usually, it was the elderly that liked to talk.

After about a minute of being off the phone, *Bill comes into the room and tells me that I need to get back on the phone.  “Okay, I wasn’t off long, I just needed a minute”, I replied.

Back on the phone I made more calls and took another breather after about six calls.  Here comes Bill back in the room with a sour look. “You need to get back on the phone, ” he tells me.  

I started to get looks from some of my co-workers.  Their expressions told me that Bill was seriously trippin’ on his supervisor power.  So back to the phone again with the same wash and repeat as before.   Guess who came back into the room?  My good friend Bill, who then tells me in a low voice, “I don’t want to have to tell you again – you need to get back on the phone,”.  He walks out of the room and my co-worker says to me, “he is really not liking you, “.  No shit Sherlock.

At some moment in your life, you will come across this type of micromanaging supervisor.   To keep my attitude in check, I began to imagine that Bill never lived up to his true potential.  His life probably consisted of late night drinking sessions with Jack Daniels and heavy hangovers every morning.   Feeling miserable about himself, his joy probably came from his abuse of power at a telemarketing job.

It was at that moment that I knew telemarketing was not for me.  I had three more hours left to put up with more calls and Bill.    As Black Sheep would say, “you can get with this or you can get with that – the choice is yours,”. 

I didn’t want to add more pressure to Bill’s hangover.  When our 15-minute break came around, I grabbed my shit and walked home.  At least I made $15 and Bill no longer had to put up with my bullshit.  It was a win-win situation.

Interview Lesson 101 – Administrative Assistants

16 Apr

Whenever you go on a job interview always check out the surroundings.  Do you get a feel for the company culture pre-interview? Is there an administrative assistant greeting you? Do the employees look relatively satisfied or display dour looks?

Last week I got extremely lucky.  I had three job interviews in one week!  All three of them went very, very well – at least in my eyes.  I’m not going to jump the broom too quick because I had my fair share of disappointments in 2011.  However, I did notice a difference between the vibes of 2012 interviews compared to last years.

Sharing my  news with a good friend of mine, she asked what was different about these interviews. Well….the atmosphere.  All three places had a good vibe about them.  At one place the admin assistant and I chatted for a few minutes before my interview.  While we were talking, it dawned on me that the employees spoke to me as I waited in the lobby.  That had never happened at any of the places I applied to last year.   They even looked happy to be at work.

The first place I interviewed with last Monday had the same feeling.  Employees can also bring their dogs to work.  Anyways, as soon as I walked in I was greeted by the admin assistant who looked very happy with her job.  Once I began my interview I wanted to say, “Why am I just meeting you now? Where were you last year?!!!”.   I could tell that the managers and I had a good rapport. The interview lasted about 1.5 hours.

At the third place, there was no admin greeting me, but every team member I spoke with LOVED their job and the company.  One of them mentioned that they were having a hard time finding good people to join the team.   Before I finished speaking with a supervisor she said the most refreshing thing I’ve heard at any interview.  “Either way, we’ll let you know what our decision will be,” she said.   She went on to say that she knew the feeling of waiting to hear an answer after a good interview and never getting an answer.  “We’re not that type of company,” she told me.  Well I’ll be damned!  I replied that’s nice to know and very refreshing to hear.

Later, my friend asked about my energy in past interviews.  Was I ever in a negative mood?  No, not at all.  My personality was the same with the latest interviews.  External issues in my life were always left outside the door in past interviews.

Still not satisfied with the answer to my friend’s question, it clicked over the weekend. What was different?  Answer?  The administrative assistants.  The places I interviewed with last year and in March of this year had admin assistants that couldn’t be bothered.  In my eyes, they set the tone for the company.

Interview lesson 101 – how’s that admin assistant treating you?  They play a part in the company culture.  Think about it and apply it to your next job search. Happy job hunting!

Workplace Incompetence – Podcast Edition

2 Apr

courtesy of pastemagazine.com

Peter Principle : In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.

Back with another podcast! During a late night beer drinking session, The Eternal Loop and I vented about workplace incompetence.  Who’s to blame for incompetence in the workplace? Upper management? Middle management?  How common is the Peter Principle in corporate environments?

Being out of work for an extended period can do a lot to one’s moral and mental state.  Lately, I’ve began to wonder how many amongst the millions of unemployed have been rejected for a job because of an incompetent hiring manager.

Take a listen, share your thoughts, share your stories or give tips on how to handle incompetence in the workplace. 

P.S. – I must speak slower and stop using “like”.

Happy job hunting!

Funny Reddit Comments – Interview Walk Outs

29 Mar

**courtesy of apoliklasta**

Question: Have You Ever Walked Out Of A Job Interview?

Commenter: YouHaveTheNerve

Source: Reddit

Comment:

When the douche literally said to me, “You do realize we require 5 years of HootSuite experience, right?”

Me: “HootSuite didn’t even exist 5 years ago, but I’m certified.”

Interviewer: “Doesn’t matter. We still require 5 years experience.”

Me: “Oh, then I guess you won’t be hiring anyone.”

Right then, I walked right out.

+1 Pawning.

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ntq75/have_you_ever_walked_out_during_a_job_interview/

Employer Credit Checks – Illegal in California

26 Mar

courtesy of bearflagmuseum.blogspot.com

In case you haven’t heard or kept up with the new laws for California,  employer credit checks have been banned.  That’s right, employers cannot ask job candidates to submit to a credit check unless they are working or seeking work  with a financial institution, law enforcement, or the State Department Justice. Why? Because California thinks that credit checks can cause employment discrimination.

If you have seen a credit check question listed on your application, proceed to leave it blank. The other alternative is to leave a smart ass notation that it’s against the law and they can suck it.

In my post Job Applications and Interviews, I mentioned that this question was on the application and I proceeded to initial my name.  Later, I contacted that employer to withdraw my candidacy and asked to have my application shredded.

Know your rights! If you recognize that something is amiss, call it out.  Happy job hunting!

Source: New California Laws 2012

Blog Comments – Lay Off Humor

23 Mar

Comment: “Great. More unemployed people competing for the three real open jobs in LA,”.

Commenter: Tits McGee

Source:  AgencySpy, Feb. 21, 2012

Tits, you couldn’t have summed up any better!

Happy Friday!

Related Article: http://www.mediabistro.com/agencyspy/we-hear-mendelsohn-zien-done_b29603#disqus_thread

Bad Recruiter – Lazy Online Recruitment

7 Mar

courtesy of Glasbergen.com

One of my peeves about being unemployed is getting spammed by job recruiters. That peeve is the bad recruiter who likes to spam about a phantom gig all over LinkedIn.  I consider this lazy recruitment. If recruiters are truly serious about recruiting perfect candidates for awesome clients, they should really stop recruiting this way.

The other day, I received this e-mail in my Inbox and a request to join her network. Apparently I’ve done business with her before.  Untrue!

“I am looking for XXX XXXX (50-85K) for an extremely creative full service ad agency in NYC. They offer big agency benefits w/o the big agency feel. Do you know any one who might be interested in hearing more? I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.”

The recruiter is on the East Coast and I like how she’s asking me, unemployed on the West Coast if I know anyone who  might be interested. Doesn’t ask me if I’m interested. Uh-uh, no way. I’m way past the expiration date.

Look, I understand that LinkedIn is social networking for business connections. So why am I complaining?  Because this recruiter decided to do a keyword search based on the client’s criteria and spammed everyone on LinkedIn that have those keywords listed in their profile. She’s spamming accounts requesting job seekers to do her job. Is the phantom gig really a gig or is she resume hoarding in order to attract clients?

If you are this type of recruiter – STOP IT! It may be an easier option, but it’s a lazy process that probably causes more harm to all parties involved than good.  My 2-cents of advice is that if recruiters want great candidates, they should do the research themselves. Take the time to look at profiles and reach out to those that are the strongest fit for a position.  Third, LEARN about the industry you are recruiting for.

If good recruiters know their industry, I think they will have better results in attracting great candidates.  It feels good to work with someone who knows what they are talking about. Know what I’m saying?

Happy job hunting!

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